Friday, March 21, 2014

Please Stop Being Condescending

Please stop being condescending and saying that my detransition was my own super-individualistic personal decision.  Because guess what?  You are acting like I'm the only person who has ever detransitioned.  There are other blogs like mine out there.  And you know what?  Transgenderism has been spreading out in waves and droves - there are going to be a LOT more people than you think who will end up regretting their decisions going along with the tide.   Give it about a decade or so.

I'll speak the truth even if my experience is oh-so-individualistic.  Even though you think your "transition narrative" is the same as every other transitioners narrative.

Yeah, there are people out there who think that drugs will solve all their problems and make them happy; it doesn't make them right about it.

Most people who have detransitioned in the past have faded quietly into silence thinking they were the only ones who made a terrible personal decision.  I'm standing up and saying "I know there are more of us than we know about...and there is going to be plenty more."  So, in that regard, I actually do have the right to make generalizations and apply my personal experience to everyone else.  A huge chunk of "everyone else" transitioning will end up regretting it.  They need a safe space too.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

You don't have the right to speak for anyone else. Yes, transitioning won't be right for some people, but for some it. Everyone's truth deserves respect: transitioners and detransitioners alike. Not everyone chooses to transition for the same reason, and not everyone regrets it. It's the generalizations you make that hurt your argument, because not all people are the same. There is no one size fits all. If something doesn't work for you, then please don't do it. But if it works for another person, that's ok too.

Heath Russell said...

Wow, anon. You actually ended up proving the point of this blog post. Did you even bother to read it?

Heath Russell said...

Which is to say, you actually ended up doing exactly what I am speaking against with this blog piece. But progress, I suppose, because at least you're not acting like I'm one anomaly. There are going to be more detransitioners, and how they are treated right now is atrocious. They either get condescending pat-pats by trans-activists, or they speak out like I do and get harassed. Yeah, there are outliers to generalizations. But generalizations exist for a reason. Do you understand sociology at all? How about statistics? How about radical *collective* analysis instead of individualism?

What you are saying to me is pretty much the same as saying "if you don't want to drink yourself into oblivion every night, then don't do it, but it's still probably the right choice for others." "If you don't want to watch porn, just look away...some people need to get off with porn. Doesn't matter how many people are exploited by it...mainly women." "Don't like plastic surgery? Oh well, don't critique it, because other people neeeeeed that shit."

I am allowed to critically analyze transition, just as I am allowed to critically analyze the system of gender, just as I am allowed to critically analyze the porn industry, prostitution and/or trafficking, plastic surgery, stupid mandatory beauty practices for women, harmful toxic masculinity, lesbophobia, misogyny, and on and on.

Heath Russell said...

For example, here Meghan Murphy offers an amazing critique of Burlesque shows, debunking your entire argument here: http://feministcurrent.com/7962/responding-to-critiques-of-burlesque-cheat-sheet-crazy-making-edition/

For example: "7) If you don’t like burlesque then don’t go to burlesque shows

Ok, deal. I promise to never intentionally go to a burlesque show ever again so long as you promise not to objectify women in order to sell your “art.” No deal? How about I don’t have to stare at ass while reading my local paper? Or how about every single lefty or feminist fundrasier ever doesn’t include a burlesque performance? Also no? Aw man. I feel like we’re going to have to keep talking about this then, eh?"

So, just like Meghan Murphy says about Burlesque is also how I feel about transition. Can I just go anywhere without seeing bullshit stereotypes for women to follow? Can we stop shoving ridiculous beauty standards down women's throats and punishing the non-conforming by telling them they are either a. "genderqueer" or b. men? Can we please ever have a society where men and women can express themselves how they see fit without having to remove healthy body tissue in the process? Can people not pump themselves full of hormones which wreak havoc on the body? CAN WE NOT???

Anonymous said...

@March 23, 2014 at 4:56 PM

I'm so sick of the word "transitioning". Indeed, I'm getting to the point that I can't stand the word anymore. It's such a benign word that hides the violence being carried out on the female sex. How did elective mastectomies on females and years of synthetic male hormones come to be known as "transitioning"?

Get your boobs lopped off and your areolas and nipples surgically whittled down to size and call it "transitioning". FTM "transitioning" is mutilation. There, I've said it because someone needs to. About the only thing worse than elective mastectomies on healthy breasts is "bottom surgery" which involves taking a six to eight inch skin flap from the arm and sewing it onto the female pubic area. A chunk of your arm is sewn onto the female pubic area and the urethra is extended. These are ghastly procedures.

This is "transitioning" gone wrong...

http://gendertrender.wordpress.com/2014/03/16/if-the-nipple-falls-off-just-throw-it-in-the-garbage-when-ftm-top-surgery-goes-wrong/

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/damien-leggett-surgery-fund--2

Elective mastectomies on healthy breasts with the surgical trimming down of areolas and nipples. I call it mutilation.

Even when we have a mutilated and euthanized female body, it's still business as usually. The euthanasia of the Belgian woman who felt so depressed after sex reassignment surgery that she begged a doctor to euthanize her still wasn't enough to wake people up.

FTM "transitioning" is female genital mutilation. The violence being carried out on the female sex is carefully hidden behind words such as "top surgery" and "bottom surgery".

Heath Russell said...

Hello Anon,

Yes, I agree with your comment, which is why I have and still do refer to transition as mutilation. I'm also very much aware of Nancy/Nathan Verhelst and what happened to her (being euthanized after years of trans-mutilation.) And I'm well-versed in the surgical mutilative processes involved with females, because I almost got top mutilation done to me. I agree with your comment, but I am confused because you sound a bit arrogant. "I call it mutilation. Somebody had to say it." Um, I HAVE been saying it. So, I just wanted to point that out.

Thank you for your comment.

Anonymous said...

"Um, I HAVE been saying it. So, I just wanted to point that out."

I don't mean to sound arrogant. It's more like shell shock. People who have the audacity to speak their minds are often ridiculed.

Thanks for the blog and thanks for your courage.


Heath Russell said...

My apologies for misunderstanding! I agree, it's like shell shock to me too.

Formerly "transgender" said...

Thanks for this. You're totally right. With my blog I'm able to see the search terms people have used to find the site. There are many, many people who find it using terms relevant to de-transitioning. A few of them have written to me. It is completely "taboo" in the transgender communities/echo chambers for these folks to discuss the possibility of de-transitioning. The lack of resources for these folks is shocking.

Over the next few years, as you suggest, there will be lots and lots more people who realize (belatedly) that living their lives as patriarchy-affirming and permanently-medicalized "creatures" is not a good way forward.

Some of us who de-transition are lucky enough to have good support from family & friends, as we come to grips with what we've done to our bodies, and try to find our ways to a healthy new start. Most are probably not so lucky.

Heath Russell said...

Hello Formerly "transgender,"

Thank you for your heartfelt, open, and intelligent commentary on this. This is definitely an area where trans activism is lacking, along with their disregard for women's autonomy and women's culture.

I can only hope that people who have done this and want to go back can find the support they need. Lucky for me, lesbians and radical feminists were who welcomed my critical analysis of gender, where my former community abandoned me.

I am much happier now. Fewer local friends, sure. But I am enjoying this newly discovered courage I have. It cannot be injected from a vial.

Anonymous said...

Rock on Heath!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, okay. Making a personal choice that you aren't alone in doesn't mean you have to channel your energy and self-awareness into hatred for others. You are a really angry person who spews vitriol about transgender people and the entire concept of people loving and accepting of transsexuality, all because it wasn't right for you.

It's so fucking arrogant. Just because it wasn't right for YOU and a very small percentage of people, doesn't mean it's always wrong. You were unhappy with transitioning. That doesn't give you the right to be hateful and hurtful to others.

Heath Russell said...

It gives me the right to educate others about the other side of the trans argument, though. Thanks, but no thanks for your false sense of concern for my politics. Now buzz off.