Friday, March 21, 2014

Please Stop Being Condescending

Please stop being condescending and saying that my detransition was my own super-individualistic personal decision.  Because guess what?  You are acting like I'm the only person who has ever detransitioned.  There are other blogs like mine out there.  And you know what?  Transgenderism has been spreading out in waves and droves - there are going to be a LOT more people than you think who will end up regretting their decisions going along with the tide.   Give it about a decade or so.

I'll speak the truth even if my experience is oh-so-individualistic.  Even though you think your "transition narrative" is the same as every other transitioners narrative.

Yeah, there are people out there who think that drugs will solve all their problems and make them happy; it doesn't make them right about it.

Most people who have detransitioned in the past have faded quietly into silence thinking they were the only ones who made a terrible personal decision.  I'm standing up and saying "I know there are more of us than we know about...and there is going to be plenty more."  So, in that regard, I actually do have the right to make generalizations and apply my personal experience to everyone else.  A huge chunk of "everyone else" transitioning will end up regretting it.  They need a safe space too.

Drag Culture

Thoughts on drag culture: I don't necessarily have an inherent problem with drag itself, except for the fact that for men it is called "drag" but for women to wear things like jeans and plaid is considered "normal."  That's the biggest issue for me.  That one is considered more of a performance and the other is taken for granted, because stereotypical male things are the default, and women who do those things are invisibilized.

Okay, I lied, I have a few more problems with drag culture.  For one, I don't think it's right for men to dress themselves up with makeup, teased hair to the ceiling, gowns, and sparkly shoes AND call themselves "women." That's what I have a problem with. No, you're not women.  You're not "playing the character" of a woman.  Your "alter-ego" is not a woman. Stop with the crap.  You're a man who dresses and primps himself differently than other men. And if you wear perfume or lotions, you probably even smell better than most men who can't be bothered to wipe after dropping a deuce in the toilet. Yeah, I went there.

Men who dress themselves up and claim to be women for a performance = just as bad as MTFs who do it full-time and claim to be women (without thinking it's a performance necessarily).

The duty is for men to drop the pretense of what "male professions, male clothing, male mannerisms, male this, male that" and the same for females.  Wouldn't it be something if humans could express/be/do whatever they want so long as it's not harming an entire class of people? I have other problems with drag culture, but ultimately I feel it is up to men to encourage other men to express themselves however they want, without conceding that they are "women" for doing so.  Part of the reason we are stuck in this rut in the first place is because of imposed masculinity/imposed femininity, yes?  So let's help people get more comfortable with expressing themselves in a wide variety of manners without trampling on the rights of others.  By that I mean, don't demonize the act of self-expression, demonize what men morph that into. "Oh, he's dressed like a tranny/trick/bitch/woman."  No. He is dressed like a man, just differently than yourself.  Stop othering women, and stop othering your brothers.  Part of the reason men keep wanting access to female-spaces is because they feel uncomfortable or unsafe around other MEN. So, MEN, FIX THAT.

Oh, and for the love of goddess, please stop calling women "fish." Fuck you if you do, and DON'T have a nice day.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Commonalities and Differences

Recently, three fellow radical feminist activists and myself were interviewed regarding the political stance of radical feminism and what that means.  While there, I felt intimidated by the fact that I stuck out like a sore thumb.  The other three were decked out in their work attire (traditionally "feminine" clothing/appearances) and I was there with my curly blue overgrown pompadour and surly expression, with a five oclock shadow.

This happens frequently where I feel out of place among other women...women who choose to outwardly express themselves differently than I do.  This happens in individual and group settings.  I look different, therefore I feel different around other women.  This happened even before my transition.

And then those same women opened up and mentioned how they also felt intimidated being around me...as if they were all hypocrites talking about gender, when I'm the least conforming out of all of them.  They felt like they didn't measure up to me...and I felt like I didn't measure up to them, and that I was the ugly duckling among three swans.

Then I had an epiphany.  We are not entirely different. Society tries to tell us that if we're not like all the other women, we're defunct.  Society at large reinforces these attitudes.  When really we are fighting much the same battle to dismantle gender roles and norms for all women.

It's not our differences that define us, nor our similarities, really. It is our determination to fight the systems that seek to divide on one hand, or homogenize on the other.  Recognizing our differences in this struggle is great; making judgments about ourselves and endlessly comparing isn't so great.  Noting similarities in our struggles is also wonderful, but seeking to fit us all into one particular mold isn't the answer.

The answer is to support your sisters.  We are all trying our best in this fucked up power dynamic.  Admire other women, but also admire yourself.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Glad I got your attention.  I'm changing the tone of my blog for a minute here because there is a woman who needs our help.  Desperately.

Meet Jacqueline S. Homan.  At 13 she was held captive in the sex trade.  At 17, she bravely and miraculously escaped her pimps.  Because of actual, REAL institutionalized PATRIARCHAL "slut-shaming," despite her higher education, she has been unable to find any other work.  She makes $65 a month in food stamps and receives no other types of financial assistance. She lives in PA and her secondhand pellet stove broke after 15 years.  It is the only source of heat in her house.  The temperature is just around freezing, and to top things off, a window in her house broke and she is showing symptoms of pneumonia.

This could end up being her last days if people don't react swiftly to help save her life.

http://www.youcaring.com/other/help-trafficked-survivor-stay-warm-this-winter-/147430

Some people have taken to verbally harassing and further abusing Jacqueline, and the creator of the fundraiser Marley in response.  Stop kicking people when they're down.

If you think "sex work" is so "empowering" you will realize that this is a fucking tragedy and will join us in doing the right thing in donating or spreading the word.  For many women like Jacqueline, they don't have a high life expectancy, whether exited or still in the trade.  It's not "empowerment" to freeze to death all alone, with some of the last things people telling you is that "you shouldn't have the gall to beg for handouts."

This sends a clear message.  Women are only worth "donating to" if they are actively providing themselves to be raped by dicks.  After that, not only do people NOT give a damn, but they will actively further punish and shame the fuck out of a woman.

I know I have some really good people who read this blog who can spread the word.  To the people who have done just that, THANK YOU, it's much appreciated, because this means the difference between her life and death right now.  To the others who have been harassing these brave women (Jacqueline and Marley), I don't know what to say except, well, shame on YOU, not them!

Here is the link again if you missed it above: http://www.youcaring.com/other/help-trafficked-survivor-stay-warm-this-winter-/147430

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Insurance Annoyances

I don't enjoy discussing insurance because it's such a boring topic.  I would sooner discuss the process of paint drying or monitor a snail race than bring up the topic of insurance.  Basically, "insurance" to me is what talking about the weather is to other people.

Yet, here I am writing this blog post.  Good thing I had a couple cups of coffee today.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to visit a gynecologist.  I specifically wanted a female specialist.  So, my girlfriend found a center I could visit, which was about 3 hours away from me.  Not exactly a hop, skip, and jump away.  But I was grateful that she had found me a female doctor.

The visit itself was very lackluster.  The specialist told me there was no long-term damage of testosterone use (which is a lie: even trans activists know of the dangerous risks of cross-hormone therapy).  She also said that the only long-term damage would be external...such as my facial hair.  Her speciality within women's health also revolved around skin care and dermatology.

I'm not concerned about my fucking facial hair.  I am concerned about long-term reproductive health and the potential cancerous effects of testosterone on a female body.

That is all a topic for a different blog post, though.

Oh, sorry, what was I talking about?  Oh, insurance.  See, my concentration is already drifting.

So, we received a bill in the mail for $171 a few days ago from the clinic.  We both thought this was strange, as my insurance covers the costs of specialists, only requiring a co-pay (which we paid for at the time of service).

Today, my girlfriend found out from the clinic that the reason we were charged is because my insurance has me listed as a male.  But they (at the clinic) could tell, very clearly, that I am a female.

So now I am on the phone with my insurance, hoping to figure this all out.  Here is how that conversation is going.

"Hello, how can I help you?"

"Hi there, I went to a women's health clinic, and I called them and they said you denied payment for my treatment because I'm listed as a male."

:Woman chuckles: "Huh, okay, well, what's your information? Maybe I can help you out."

:Gives information:

:She pulls up my records:

"Okay, and you have your insurance through your father's employer?"

"Yes."

"Unfortunately, I cannot change it, they would have to change it."

"Is that the only way I can get that changed?"

"Yes, you have to go through your father's employer because they're the only ones who can change it because they sent it over incorrectly."

"Okay, thank you.  I will get in touch with them."

"Sorry that I couldn't help you better!"

"That's okay, thank you anyways!"

:Hangs up:

So, now I am faced with the dilemma of contacting my father's employer to see what they say.  Which I am going to do tomorrow.

I will leave you all with some questions that should be on the minds of everyone reading this:

If, as a female, I am charged for services because my insurance records indicate that I am a man, does this mean that "trans women" (who are males) are getting low or no-cost women's reproductive health services because their insurance records list them as females?  Is this why I was charged almost $1000 for a trans-vaginal ultrasound that I received in August?  I am going to tentatively guess, yes.

Thanks postmodernism gobbledegook! Not!

To be continued...